What is Emotional Dependency?
An emotional dependent person is someone who depends on other people to define their self-worth. They seek others approval, or blame others for their feelings. In other words, they don’t take full responsibility for their own feelings. Emotional dependency plays a major role in defining your identity.
Emotional dependency manifests itself in many ways, but some common ways are when you:
• Keep your feelings, opinions and thoughts to yourself
• Put others needs first while neglecting your own.
• Saying yes, when you really want to say no
• Allowing people to abuse and take advantage of you and not say anything about it.
• Blame others for your feelings of anger, sadness, and loneliness
When you allow these things to happen, then you are not in control of your own feelings, you are allowing someone else to control them. You are not being true to yourself.
To be emotionally independent, means:
• you can easily share your feelings without caring what other people think.
• doing things you want to do, and being able to say no, without feeling guilty.
• if someone mistreats you or disrespects you in any way, you can speak out and set boundaries so they won’t continue to do that to you anymore. Setting limits and boundaries allows you the opportunity to put your needs above others.
• Taking responsibility for your own happiness
Do not allow people to mistreat you and take it quietly. Speak out. Set boundaries. When you allow people to abuse and ill-treat you, without speaking out, this causes all the anger, resentment and depression you experience. You will be surprised when you speak out how people would begin to respect you. Not to mention the weight that would be lifted when you get things off your chest.
Taking ill-treatment in order to be liked makes no sense. Allowing people to hurt you means you have no love for yourself or self-respect. You must love yourself first. When you love yourself other people will automatically love you back. Love yourself by taking care of your needs just as you would those of others. Do the things you love. Make time for yourself. Don’t allow anyone to take advantage of you or disrespect you in any way. You are worthy.
Don’t be afraid to say no
Most importantly do not be afraid to say no to someone, if you really do not want to do something. You say yes because you want to be nice, or fear the person would dislike you for letting them down. But have you ever realized when you do that, you feel bad afterward, sometimes resenting the person and yourself for your weakness?
When you have the courage to say no to someone, they have but no choice to accept it. And in most cases they are not going to dislike you for it. Even if they did, that is not your business. It just means they are not worthy of you.
Use your power of choice. Nobody can make you do something you don’t want to do. Be firm in your response. You can show empathy for the person and their situation, but you are not responsible for their situation, you are responsible for yours.