The key to self-confidence is knowing how to live by your own values and belief system. Those who lack self-confidence usually take on the beliefs of those around them. They agree with others because they fear rejection. This only results in hiding your true self. People with low self-confidence are afraid to say what they really think because they want to be liked and approved by others. But when you hide your feelings and point of view, you are hiding the real you. If you want your views to be known, you have to understand your own values and belief system.
Everyone has their own values and belief system which usually comes from their families and close peers. Sometimes however, the belief among relatives and friends can be slightly different. It is very important that you do not copy the same values as those around you, but learn to develop your own.
Most of our behaviour came from our parents. They told us what we should or should not do. Then as we became adults we found it hard to move away from those “shoulds” because we felt guilty we were not living by what our parents taught us. While a lot of the values and principles our parents taught us were good, a lot may not apply as we become adults.
One of the things my mother told me as a child was that little girls were seen and not heard. Of course, at that time it would have been relevant since as a child my parents wanted me to behave nicely especially when guests were over. But now as an adult, I cannot possibly live by that same rule. To do so, means I would be taken advantage of, which has actually happened many times.
The things your parents told you, you should or should not do as a child would have worked when you were a child. But now as an adult, you need to create your own identity by developing your own values and beliefs.
True values are not rigid rules that must be followed all the time. Values are flexible, they adapt to change as life circumstances change. Your values are what you believe, not what someone else insists you should do or be. Self-confidence begins by knowing who you are.
Develop Positive Values
Values can be positive or limiting. Positive values are independence, self-respect, spiritual development. Limiting values are resentment, revenge, non-forgiveness. To become self-confident and reveal your real self means getting rid of limiting beliefs and behaviours.
You must have at least 3 to 5 values that help direct your life. Values help you to accomplish your purpose and vision, and helps measure your progress. One of my values is continued self-development. I read one self-improvement book a month. This helped me to become a better person and one of the ways I was able to find my true identity.
Moses Lived by Values and Principles
- Moses knew his identity. Moses was raised by Pharaoh’s daughter as an Egyptian. Eventually he found out he was actually a Hebrew. While Moses could have rejected his identity as a Hebrew to continue living in luxury in Pharaoh’s palace, he chose to accept his identity as a Hebrew and live among his enslaved people.
- Moses knew what he wanted to do. He developed new values based on his true identity. He wanted to know the true God and leave behind the sins and pleasures of the Egyptian culture. This is a good example of leaving the values and principles of your parents behind and choosing your own as you become an adult. As a child Moses was brought up in the culture of the Egyptians, but when he found out who he was, he chose the values of the Hebrews, which was to serve the living God.
- Moses knew what was most important. God called Moses to lead the Hebrews out of Egypt. As the son of Pharaoh’s daughter Moses had power and possessions. He was being groomed to be a leader. This would have given him even more power. But again, he chose to leave it all behind. God gave him a direction, and he sacrificed everything to obey God. It was an important assignment and Moses knew it.
- Moses persevered. Moses had a daunting task of leading the Hebrews out of Egypt. During the journey they complained and grumbled, yet Moses did not give up. He kept sight of what was most important, and this allowed him to fulfil his purpose.